A stage invasion….in the form of the gorgeous Calvin (who had just learnt to walk) ambling across the stage in the middle of an emotional speech by Dad Alex at one of my ceremonies. Don’t worry guys I tackled him to the ground! The crowded loved it and you know what, it’s moments like this that make your day even more awesome!
Perfection is boring and if that’s what you want then I hate to break it to you, you’re probably not going to get it. Your special day – wedding, naming or big birthday bash – is a melting pot of all the special people in your life in one room and trying the get all these people to do what you want ain’t easy. I foolishly thought I could micro-manage such things at my wedding but how wrong I was. So I thought I’d share with you the moments on my wedding day which could have gone a little better.
Moment 1 – There was something in the air and it wasn’t love! The neighbouring farmers (who were actually invited to the wedding!) decided to spread pig poo on the field surrounding my parents field 3 days before the wedding (happening in the garden). Now I don’t know if you’ve ever smelt pig sewage but it is very different from the sweet aroma of cow manure, it’s more like the human variety and that smell was not disappearing anytime soon.
Moment 2 – Hair from hell. Word of advice girls, always have a hair trial before the big day! I nipped down to the oh so glamorous Sarah’s Hair salon for my do and while I didn’t quite get the Grecian god locks I was hoping for, my poor sister Alice was given a head full of ringlets which made her look like less boho chic and more Miss Piggy. We left the salon not saying a word for about 5minutes then I turned to Alice and said, ‘You do know you don’t have to keep it like that, don’t you?’ To which she replied, ‘Thank God!’
Moment 3 – The father-daughter moment. I think we’ve all pictured it, you’ve just put the finishing touches to your hair, you feel like the most beautiful bride in the world then your Dad comes in and can barely get his words out for fear of crying as his little girl is getting married. Well this was NOT the case with my Dad! No, instead he comes in, a drink in each hand and doesn’t seem to even notice how blooming gorgeous I’m looking. And it goes on. We get the nod that everyone’s ready and of course he then asks my brother to go and get him a flower for his jacket (it’s 3.30pm, he’s had ALL day to get this flower). Right we’re finally ready, we step out of the front door which leads to the garden, the music to walk us down the aisle has begun and….he now needs the toilet. By the time we actually arrived at the end of the alter the music had finished. Did I mention the family dog also upstaged me by cutting across the aisle as we were mid-walk. Not how I planned it!!!
Moment 4 – Third degree burns at the after party. Not me, thank god but my oh so clumsy but heroic friend Dan. We decorated the garden with some pretty and suuuuper cheap candles and burned them for a good 8 hours and who knew that cheap candle wax is incredible flammable? My poor friend noticed how one was burning more brightly than the others and thought (in his heavily inebriated state) to dispose of it and in doing so, covered himself in burning wax and literally set himself on fire. Don’t worry, my friends handled the situation the way anyone would in an emergency situation, recording it and putting it straight on YouTube.
Moment 5 – Where’s all the cake gone? I was so lucky to be made a cake by my incredibly talented friend who is the pastry chef at Café 21 and cooorrrr what a cake it was. But my advice to anyone having a ‘homemade wedding’ is delegate jobs. By the time it came to dishing out the cake we were all so sozzled a lot of it didn’t get eaten. Don’t worry, I thought, I’ll make the rounds with it over the next week as a thank you to everyone for coming. But imagine my horror when trying to find the cake the next morning to find my mum had handed out most of the cake as a doggie bag to one of my dad’s pub mates saying ‘Awww, bless, he doesn’t have anyone to bake for him.’
Moment 6 – And finally the soiled marital bed. My brother’s mate fell asleep, naked, in our bed and my brother-in-law wrestled him out. That’s all the airtime that needs I think.
So there you have it, just a snap shot of our ‘not so perfect day’ but you know what I blooming loved it and wouldn’t have had it any other way. Like I said, perfection is for boring people and you my friend are certainly not boring so don’t sweat the small silly stuff coz it’ll make for great anecdotes in 20 years time.